“IF YOU WALK AWAY“
I woke up with a start today. Well, it actually is not so new bulletin anymore since it has already been happening to me over and over for quite some time now, couple of months ago since… hmm, time immemorial. The breeze is kind of a bit much colder than the usual. Ah, just like as always, huh? Same old brand-new day again. Empty and cold and quiet. As if it is not as odd enough as ever now waking up to a new day and feeling it is like a dream-state still.
Unbearably muted and FROZEN(??)
If I were to count the times I have been truly completely happy, I would only end up cringing awkwardly knowing to myself that I have none of such at all, really except heaps of unvoiced depressions and disappointments. But, oh, well it is just ok.
Stop complaining. You been used to this as you said already, right Mandy-ah? A voice in my head suddenly interrupted my musing and I almost gingerly laughed at it out loud. I am crazy, I know. Because no one in their sane mind would duel with her reasonings all the time, the way I do. Ah, anyone? Too? I will give you my deep bows if you honestly would tell me that you have not, even once in your lives, done the things I more likely habitually do for lack of what-nots to do anymore.
Ah, ne! Today is a beautiful lovely day, ne? What have I described it again earlier? Like a popsicle. So cold as dry ice. And so does my emotions as of the moment. I was again bombarded in my sleep by my silly little dreams minutes before I woke up with a start.
“Dreams!” I subconsciously mustered, while slapping my face like a fool. Hmm, purely just checking. “Mandy-ah, how completely sure are you that you are not anymore inside the labyrinth of your waking dreams, e?”
I fell silent. Trying to maybe listen to myself. And well hoping and waiting for someone to answer my spoken question. Prolonged overly stretched silence. But nothing ever came. An answer I mean. And so I remained laying outstretched with my back flat on my bed for three more minutes. My eyes wide open and nailed on the ceiling.
In my head, my mind keeps on convincing my entire system that I am indeed fully awake now and I am simply way too lazy to get up. And that actually is an insufferable fact, to be very honest. But I still stubbornly refuse to acknowledge that. Because… I do not even know the reason why.
Until my “alarm clock” went off. Making his usual round of routine call all his life. Ehh? What did I just say? I sneered soon after I realized my biggest mistake. But eotteoke? Memories became sharper at the mention of alarm clocks. And funny how lucid his voice to my ears seemed so.
I slid-off my bed and headed toward the window and sneak a quick look through my curtains for any signs of his presence at the gate but my shoulders fell when I saw no one. Not even his familiar shadow. Then I lazily snail-walked toward my bathroom, leaving my alarm clock shrieking over and over to its content until it went completely dead.
‘Ah, you should have been used with this already, Mandy-ah!’ I scolded myself, while I am heaving a deep sigh. So i went ahead of my body clock again, huh? What time is it again? In the shower I still can’t help but keep on wondering what will happen today. I gave myself half an hour again. The cold is killing me so I had to narrow down the time spent.
‘I know it will really surprise everyone, but I just can’t stand this anymore.’ I murmured.
He is making this an insufferably annoying habit. He would stage an appearance one day and after a while he would go AWOL just like that! Leaving me missing him so much and what is all the more worst is that I cannot even afford to let him know that, fearing he might only laugh at me. I am already much preoccupied with myself when my ears heard familiar voices again. Did my heart leaped with excitement all of a sudden?
‘For the love of heaven, stop! Shut up. Mandy-ah! Please… please… please… just shut the heck up!’
But in a flash I was already hurrying down the stairs but my enthusiasm got drenched when I saw no one in our sala except Omma and Appa in the dining table and… Wait…! Where and what again?
“Omma! Appa! Where is Oppa?” I realized I was already asking my parents the very first question that popped on my mind as I went to settle myself on the dining table to have my breakfast.
“They went ahead when they saw you are still sleeping, dear.” I heard my Omma said.
When I turned around to stare at her, I saw she is smiling at me.
“‘They’, Omma?!” I blurted out, unable quite much to believe my own ears.
“Stefan came today but you are still sleeping so…” My mother was still talking but my heart is much louder than her voice already that I cannot hear her anymore. All I ever said was “Ahhhh… ok” with a tiny shrug of my shoulders. I didn’t know how much longer I had my breakfast but the next thing I knew, I was already pedaling on my bike and was already chasing after my brother in the stadium. I almost rejoiced at the first sight of his prominent wall that was his wide back I have missed for much too long a time.
Ah, why the sudden surge of the imaginary party poppers popping one after another at the back of my head? Am I seeing too much hearts and happy fireworks, as well? Haha! I know I am acting like a fool again.
“Oppa, how could you?” I pouted shouting at my brother, who turned around in an instant. But his chinhan chingu did not even mind turning back. Was he dropping lamely his head to the side?
“Good thing you are up now, Mandy-ah. What do you mean “How could I?””
“Yeah! How could you just left without me? You are the one who taught me to get used to this routine, right? But now…”
“Yah, Jerome-ah,” Oppa’s chingu interrupted. “Can’t we get going now?”
“Of course!” Oppa responded and looked at me and said to me, “C’mon now, Mandy. Let’s get started now that you are already here.”
“But Oppa you haven’t…”
I heard him snort. Suddenly how I hoped my brother did not notice my reddening face at all.
“I wonder why there is too much noise pollution going on around town already these days?” He said yawning.
I tried to ignore his remark at first but I cannot deny the fact that I got hurt with his indifference. Why does he have to act this much obvious? My brother was laughing and shaking his head. And it further fueled my instantly provoked anger that erupted out of nowhere deep within me.
“Let’s go now, Mandy.”
“Huh?!”
“C’mon!” My brother still keeps on laughing and I got completely confused.
Waeyo? Did a misplaced-humored clown throw some joke? Ahh! Patience some more, Mandy-ah! After several laps on the track and field I decided to drop the bomb finally.
“Mwo?!” My brother was all wide-eyed as a reaction to what I said. At the corner of my eye, I saw him cringe and looked away. I shrunk on the inside, continuously questioning why is he always like this?
“Yes, Oppa. That is what I want.”
“Mind saying it again, Mandy-ah?”
“Jebal, Oppa…”
“Mandy-ah?!”
“Okay, I am saying it again. I would like to study in Australia. I know it would be tough being away but this is what I want, Oppa.”
“How come you did not even brought this up last night?”
“Because I just thought about it just now.” I lied.
“And now you are really sure about it?”
“I’ll just go ahead, Jerome. See you in the gym later.” He said without even looking at me. No. He was in fact obviously avoiding looking at me on my face.
That’s it. I didn’t know what came over me but I really got way too upset suddenly that I didn’t bother to think twice anymore.
“You got a problem with me leaving?” He halted for a minute and suddenly turned around. My heart exploded when he gazed straight to my eyes.
“Why would I have a problem if you leave? Stop blabbing nonsense.”
“Now I am blabbing nonsense??!”
“Stop giving me that whining tone because I am not your Oppa.”
I went frozen for a second… is this one of that déjà vu again? But I am shouting at him again.
“Yeah, why can’t you at least stop acting so obvious? I know you don’t like me. But do you really have to broadcast it on my face all the time?!”
“Will you please stop?! The two of you?!” Oppa grunted exasperatingly.
“What do you want?”
“What do I want? Now you are making it look like I am the one who want some heck of a ‘something’ from you?! Crack a nutshell!”
“Yah! Stop yelling, Mandy-ah.” my brother reprimanded me. And so i turned towards him. I am almost shaking with seething anger now. Good thing the breeze around us is indeed freezing. I can actually use it as an alibi just in case.
“I am not yelling, Oppa. Not at you. I simply do not understand why people keep on treating me like this.” I turned again to my brother’s bestfriend. And again i melted inwardly at what I am seeing through his annoyed eyes. What are those expressions all about? My ears rang once more with too much confusing and deafening questions flooding my head.
“Answer me, for once! Have I ever done you wrong?!”
“Will you ever make up your mind? You rather want us to remain strangers right? So why act like this now?”
I was completely taken by surprise at what he said. My eyes just could not stop widening and widening some more. I suddenly could not speak anymore because my tongue suddenly got cut-off by a knife.
“Are you done?”
A breeze swept through me in a zingy sound that almost left me swerving mentally.
Did he say that? I blinked my eyes and found out, to my chagrin, that I am already alone in the middle of the stadium.
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Chapter 10 Preview:
Silence from the end of the line. But I could tell somehow that he is sneering. “Yoboseyo?” I asked again.
“Of course.” He said quietly. But the weariness of his voice just melted my heart insufferably. “Who would know a stranger, anyway. Mian. Just forget I ever bothered calling.”
The line instantly went dead before I could ever speak. I blinked my eyes incredulously staring at my phone for the next five minutes. I was freaking out inside of me because it was the very first time he ever called me on my phone!
T H E V E R Y F I R S T T I M E ! ! !
I still just couldn’t believe my ears! I really, really could not believe my ears! I could have gone straight to sleep but little did I know, I am already calling his number back.
“Yes?” He said sleepily (Or could he just be getting back at me?)
“Okay, I am coming down.”
“Don’t bother.”
☆● ☆● ☆● My Leaf Of EverLasting ●☆● ☆● ☆ 